Moved and Inspired–Where’s my passport?

Tonight we saw The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. There is a saying in our house: The Universe doth provide. And how.

We’ve had a rough start to 2014 in our house. Some of us are letting go of things and dreams that we realize won’t happen without great cost. Some of us have awoken from our own daydreams and are saddened by the place we suddenly find ourselves in, despondent about the future and all that needs to be done. Some of us want to do things, but are terrified of the unknown outcome and become paralyzed. Some of us are feeling all of these things.

In fact this weekend looked to be another bummer of a weekend, with self-deprecation and moping. But not now. After watching not only a fun, funny, clever film, but a gorgeous piece of cinematography, I can only be inspired. Inspired to live–Right now–not in some distant time. Inspired to look around me and be in this moment. To really see the things and people around me. To notice those things that are calling to me and answer them. With my voice, with my thoughts, with my action. I’m bursting with DO right now.

If you know me, you will know that I DO quite a lot already. In fact, the PF has a terrible time getting me to do nothing, even for short periods of time. But often my doing is busy work–things that should get done–not want to get done. Even though my house is far from the glorious shrine of my mother’s pristine and tastefully decorated abode, I fret about its lack of cleanliness anyway. I therefore spend a lot of time complaining, arguing, and being frustrated about its state. What I’d actually like to spending my energy on is NOT the dishes or the house, or whatever I think people ought to be doing. Something else. Something that fills me up.

My beautiful friend and dance partner gave me a great tip today. She had me give a list of what I could do to fill myself up. Right on the spot during coffee. So I decided that I wanted to keep spending time with Falyn, we are having so much fun together right now; dance (already on the schedule); spend more time in nature, even if that means on a blanket in my yard (and by yard I mean oak forest); write more (check!); and make more creative stuff. Can do all of these!

While the list is a good place to start, seeing Walter Mitty do what he does, in the incredible places that he does it, gave me the juice to get up off the couch and do. And more poignantly, Sean O’Connor (played by the ever more handsome Sean Penn) who lives an incredible life everyday says, “Sometimes I don’t. If I like the moment, I just want to be in it.”

Which brings me back to our household turmoil. I realize just now that I am grateful for it. It has brought me a level of separation and clarity that I can’t have when we are enmeshed in each other–happy or no. Its left me open to what is. It has let me see that things shouldn’t be another way, because they aren’t. Things are just the way they are. And from here I can make choices. Wishing for a better/different future never got me anything but crazy, and I’ve spent many years on that treadmill. Being in the now is being free. Living in what is is the only freedom we have. From here, we can do anything.