Casting Off of Armor — or Casting out Poisons

Its been a crazy coupla weeks, and I haven’t slowed down to catch my breath. Partially because I knew that today I could. In fact, the next five days belong to me. I’ve been planning an Ayurvedic cleanse with my practitioner (Ryan Strong @ the California College of Ayurveda, Nevada City) for about a month now. Originally, I was to go through the process about two weeks ago, but ended up sick–AGAIN. While I was bummed at the time, because I’d set aside time to take care of myself, I couldn’t be more pleased that things worked out this way. I’m now at day Zero of the cleanse. Let me explain.

Brief description of my Pitta Ayurvedic cleanse – each cleanse different for each person and even different for the same person depending on what’s going on.

  • Eat mono-diet of Kitchari (rice and mung beans cooked together till tender with vegetables and digestive spices), in addition to taking some digestive capsules, and other herbs also in capsule form, as well as in ghee (clarified butter common in Indian cooking) – this time for 7 days. Included also is a ritual of self massage (abyanga) and meditation (yoga nidra). The diet is easily digested and works with the other herbs to clear your body of ama: physical, emotional, and spiritual gunk built up in your system.
  • The evening before (to stimulate full evacuation of any remaining junk from the body), a purgative is prescribed. I took a dose of castor oil (blech  *shudder*). While some folks will feel the effects early the next morn, I have the blessing of getting right down to business within about 1 hour. Yeee-haa!
  • Day of Rest (Day 0): You guessed it. Rest. Drink lots of fluids, maybe eat some strongly spiced rice gruel, rest, read/listen to something inspirational, fluids, rest, fluids, pee, fluids, nap, journal etc.
  • Digestion rebuild: For the next seven or more days you build your digestion back up, beginning with soupy kitchari and working your way back to solids. 

The next time I do a cleanse, I would like to commit to a daily entry on the blog, because all kinds of emotional junk comes up during a cleanse. Sometime’s its yours, sometimes your partners, but somebody’s junk gets triggered because you are shifting your focus from the group to the self. More on that one day.

As I said earlier, my cleanse was delayed two weeks, but with the infinite organizing power of the universe, the timing was perfect; both astrologically, and personally. Personally, on Thursday was my last day at CCA. I loved the work I did at that job, but I also felt a consistent drain on my life force while being there. I love to work, and I work hard, but this was more than that. There was a constant tension and a strain that I still cannot name. I needed to be able to remove that from my system.

Astrologically, we had an eclipse last night. I didn’t know it till I watched the Power of Eclipses brought to you by HAALo (, but we have minor solar AND lunar eclipses regularly. The particular eclipse that happened last night was a lunar eclipse in the sign of Scorpio. Because it was a lunar eclipse it relates to emotions, think yin energy, and the moon was in a particular position in Scorpio near the “heart” of the constellation, which correlates the eclipse to poison, particularly poisons that you carry within you, be they physical, or emotional/mental). I learned also that Eclipses intensify what is going on–in this case my cleanse.

Part of the cleanse is to also recognize what I want to let go of. What fears, doubts, and judgments are sitting inside of me, holding me back, and holding me in patterns that sabotage all that I want and can be. These are so hard for me to name and call out. They are shadows that hide from my consciousness. They are wafts of smoke that intoxicate me when I’m not looking. They are branches tripping me as I speak. Last night during the eclipse itself and into the night my mind was FULL of chatter. Full of it. I could not get a quiet moment to happen. When thinking of what I wanted to let go, I could not identify anything specific, only the word FEAR. While it’s true, its also so elementary and generic. I knew I needed to get to something more personal and real, but I could not do it. I went to bed and let my mind rest. 

This morning I was much more clear. I woke up, went to the bathroom, came back to bed, and was able to meditate. I noticed after a while a straightening of my spine, like my head was reaching for the sky, and as I did so, a flood of tears came from me. When I would collapse, they would subside, but when I was straight and tall they would flow. It was like un-kinking a hose. I felt that I was connecting with the divine when I was straight, allowing the grace of The One to flow through me. Soon after, the PF came in to check on me. He could see that I’d been crying and came to the side of our bed. I faced him, wrapped my arms around him and was moved to many more tears. I allowed myself to be comforted by him, to feel his love, to receive.

As I go back and read my past blog posts, I realize that I’ve been leading up to this point for a long time. That today is actually the turning point for the life that I have always imagined. The turning point isn’t some event that is happening outside of me. Its me turning around and seeing that I’m already in the life that I wanted. That all that really needs to happen is a shift inside me. A laying aside of my armor, a balancing of the feminine and the masculine inside of me. A stepping into the person that I am meant to be, that I long to be–that I am already but don’t recognize.

I already have the partner that I knew would be there to support and love me, dote on me, and care for me like no other person ever has. I already have all of the tools that I need to build the things I dream of, and the universe keeps bringing me the situations that I need to learn everything necessary to move forward. I already have the courage to move into the world in uncertainty and onto my true path in service. I am blessed. And now, I’m even a little hungry.




About Rachel "Ginger" Lazarus

I'm a post-feminist, ex-showgirl, looking to make a fulfilling life in the country with my fella, our girls, our dog, and "the ladies" our dozen chickens.
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