The “Insert Color Here” Tent: Tales of Women’s Gatherings

 

I’ve been busy. Somehow, I’m busier than ever, and I’m doing less for myself. I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed distilling down my thoughts, and filling in my own blanks as I take the time to contemplate.

Over the past 5 years, I’ve been following a path that I knew that I must. I moved away from my dance practice and friends, I got a corporate job (then two more after that), I divorced my partner of nearly 10 years, started a new relationship, combined families with my boyfriend, and began working for a vocational school of alternative health care, then also for an herb shop that focuses of course on alternative healing. By doing so, I’ve met and come into contact with some amazing people. In doing so, my exposure has rekindled my early love afair with herbs, natural healing, and most recently natural childbirth, and the desire to be a part of that world. The last two years in particular, I feel that I am being sucked down the rabbit hole into a different world (I took the red pill). I’m on my way–in and unexpected but not really surprising way–to embracing of my destiny.

At the beginning of this year, I finally paid attention to the feeling that I was going nowhere in my life and career (although I’m very successful and well regarded in the businesses that I’m currently working in). During that time I became very ill, and was not able to work for about a week. I had an epiphany that one of the things that I was being called to do, was to work in service to humanity in some way. Working for money and for my own gain is completely unsatisfying. Not that I don’t want to create abundance in my life, because I do. I still have personal aspirations of owning a home with land so that I can raise food and animals. But my work going forward in my life requires me to live in service, and I have dedicated myself to this. I’ll be starting this journey by studying women’s health with Aviva Romm, MD and midwife through her correspondence course this month.

As part of this journey, I’m also recognizing the need for the sacred in my life. The time and attention to focus on something holy and larger than myself. Luckily, I’m not the only one. There is a particular group of women whom I’ve met on my path to finding what is right for me, who are recognizing the same thing. Over the past several months, we’ve been gathering on or near the full moon. Our gatherings began with a specific purpose of setting personal intention in mind, but have beautifully grown to be so much more fulfilling. These gatherings are joyous and full of laughter, are a safe place to release our deepest fury and saddness, and a place to join us together in a bond that I don’t understand. These gatherings push me emotionally to be more open and vulnerable, they also require of me to be understanding, supportive, and non-judgmental. These are all things that I struggle with in my daily life.

I’ve been telling myself all this time that I’m strong, capable, intelligent, self-sufficient, and tough-enough to deal with anything on my own. I don’t need help from anyone–not from my partner, not from my family, and not from my friends (do I really even have any friends–people who will stop their own lives to help you with yours?). This is the great lie of Western Civilization, and is the reason that our planet is in such dire shape. We DO need each other. We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes a village.” I believe this to be true down the core of my soul. We NEED community and dependency to be the most whole that we can be. We need each other to share our experiences, to celebrate our triumphs, to hold our hands when we feel scared, to support us when we make mistakes, to keep us accountable for the promises we make to ourselves and others. Our society is crumbling under the weight of our singular responsibility and isolation. We are deceived to think that if we could have everything our own way we would finally be happy. We would not.

In the past year, I’ve had the eye opening experience of knowing an incredible woman who has the magic to manifest whatever is required for her business and herself. She’d not perfect, not high and mighty, not better than anyone else, but she lives in the most complete integrity that I have ever seen someone hold themselves to. She has taught me that group mind is waaaaay better than one mind, that I don’t need to be threatened when someone can do a better job than I can at something–this is the universe manifesting just what you/the project/etc. needs to go forward. I’ve learned that you don’t throw people away when they are not living up to the level of your expectations of integrity. You love them through it, not by rejecting them, but by bringing attention to the discrepancy with love and honest communication. I’ve learned that expressing gratitude for even the smallest thing, brings more amazing things into my life.

This knowledge has fostered my understanding of the necessity of the monthly gathering in my life. I need this place to be free, to have no commitments other than to each other for this time, to have no distractions, no demands, other than to be present. To share my deepest fears, to hear other’s deep needs and support them, to experience joy, to express gratitude for all that I have and am. I am supported to follow my path, no matter how crazy it might sound to others, these ladies always see the correlations to my life that I do not.

Initially, we tried to plan our gatherings to have a certain activity or theme, but we’ve found that we all intuitively bring what we need, and have created wonderful and meaningful ritual each time we gather, being guided by our higher selves. It seems to be much more meaningful each time, probably because we haven’t built up the expectations of what it was “supposed” to be.

My wish is that other women will follow what might be a strange impulse to go and be somewhere that might not fit into their current picture of themselves. That they might find another soul whom they can share with a special ritual, maybe just lighting a candle and bowing heads, or singing song, or creating something (a quilt, an herb mandala on the beach…). And might this light between them attract others, and that the group of them might put aside their fears of being intimate, and support and share with each other, without judgment, without jealousy, and be open to receiving as well as giving. My wish is for the world to be lit once again by the glowing light of women who are not warring with their bodies or each other, or shunning their feminine nature, but who are embracing themselves and each other to be healed in this light, thereby healing our families, our communities and our worlds. My wish is for you to find this. Don’t be afraid. Just listen to your heart. This is waiting for you right now.

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About Rachel "Ginger" Lazarus

I'm a post-feminist, ex-showgirl, looking to make a fulfilling life in the country with my fella, our girls, our dog, and "the ladies" our dozen chickens.
This entry was posted in Experiencing the Goddess, Love, Life, and Family and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The “Insert Color Here” Tent: Tales of Women’s Gatherings

  1. love it. gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes in love, joy, fear, sadness, opening, sisterhood… so beautiful thank you for putting your experience to words, yours, ours, my experience, different brush strokes on the same canvas. love with you.

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