Family Matters

Crimson Forest, Poland

Family Matters – Red Heads

I had a really lovely time this weekend with my mother. We went to Redding Friday to support my Grandmother’s angiogram, did some decorating, and furniture arranging on Saturday, and took my mom out for her birthday on Saturday night. Saturday night was doubly lovely, since it’s the first time the PF and I have had a chance to really just hang out with my parents. Often there is such a flurry of activity when the whole family is together that it doesn’t seem like we get to visit at all.

Our dinner culminated in a bit of an argument between my mother and I. This often happens during emotional times and ESPECIALLY if there is alcohol involved, which there usually is. The argument was about our perspectives, or actually, about how judgmental I am about people and their choices. Which is very true.

The overriding theme of the conversation was that at different stages of our lives, we know certain things to be true, and the younger generation judges the older, and then when they get there, they understand and in this case agree or buy into whatever the perspective is.

As a teenager, I was filled with so much surety that things didn’t have to be the way they were. That people could make different choices and that the world could be changed by this. And I still know this to be true. But what I know now, and realized more deeply during our conversation, is that people don’t WANT to make different choices. Our grandparents don’t want to change their perspective, even if it allows them peace and joy in their lives. Our parents don’t either. I understand that, because I often don’t want to let go of my need to be right, or I want to hold on to my anger or hurt. But sometimes I do let these things go, and I know I’m better for it. It reminds me of Carolyn Myss, and her book, “Why People Don’t Heal”. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sZKwLoLiaI)

“It’s not that forgiveness scares us so much, it’s that we’re terrified of how rapidly our lives will change when we forgive.”

I can see that my mom and my grandmother, and definitely her mother before her are caught in this loop. I pray for my daughter and for her daughter, and all the daughters after them, that I can beat my fear, and forgive and heal and stay open to the speed of change that will come to me.

I’ve had several evolutions in my life so far, but they are further and further apart. Maybe its time to take the brake off and see how fast the universe can go. Who can I forgive today? Today, I’d like to forgive myself for being judgmental and afraid. Come along for the ride, see what amazing things we can find by letting go of old junk, and getting some of our spirit back. No safety gear required. The universe always provides a net.

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About Rachel "Ginger" Lazarus

I'm a post-feminist, ex-showgirl, looking to make a fulfilling life in the country with my fella, our girls, our dog, and "the ladies" our dozen chickens.
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2 Responses to Family Matters

  1. Leigh Lazarus says:

    I see that our conversation affected and disturbed you as much as it did me. I have felt bad about it all day and wish that I could have a “do-over” like when I was young. Please just know how very much I love you and am proud of you. I think differences sometimes do help open eyes, though it may take time.

    I know how you want to change things in your life and yourself, and how hard it is. I imagine we’re not so far apart after all.

    • You are right, mama. Our conversation definitely moved me, but I don’t feel bad about it. I think these talks always open my eyes, and I’m grateful for them. We are not that far apart at all. I love you so much. xoxoxoo

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