Kicking up Cosmic Dust

‘Father Time (aka Saturn) Overcome by Love, Hope, and Beauty’ 1627 Simon Vouet {{PD}}

The last few weeks have been quite tumultuous and full of drama. But almost everything has been positive, and quite frankly, I think I needed the drama to pay attention to what was happening. I don’t always operate on the most subtle of levels.

The first bit of business that occurred was that near the end of my vacation with the family in the magical and mystical redwoods in Nor. Cal., I realized that I did not feel the wonderful buzzing in my gut that almost always happens when I’m in nature. Especially a place of that magnitude. When I searched myself for why, I became aware of the hopelessness that I was feeling-literally holding onto-and in a moment of my own drama, I decided that I should give up my dreams of having a baby, of being married, of having a farm, of anything that was directed by me. I knew inside myself that there are things just in the wings waiting for me, but I thought perhaps I would need to give up what I wanted and follow a path that I didn’t even know about. So I tearful gave up.

Almost immediately, the universe sent people my way that smacked me up-side the head. The PF didn’t believe that what I was saying was right. He new that we should keep trying for all that we wanted.

In a matter of a few days I met with our good friend, and business/personal coach Blake Rogers (, who set me straight in a quick meeting at Starbucks. He reminded me of who I was, my true nature, and gave me tools to find myself at anytime.

During that week, I was let know in no uncertain terms that I was NOT to give up, but rather, I was just to surrender the process. Surrender is not the same as giving up, I was told. One thing I did have right, was that I was to devote some of my time to service. I already had an organization in mind, and was trying to find my way to serve them with what skills I had. That same week, I met with the owner who basically said, “I need you now, or I need to find someone else”. I have for the first time (that I’m conscious of) a very clear and direct message about my path.

The following week, was what I understand to be the epitome of the work of Saturn in Retrograde. Things are being torn down. Both figuratively and literally. To the point that the door to my office at work was kicked in, and our cash box robbed. Many other things happened, but to get a sense of my last couple of weeks, I think bullet points will really tell it better.

  • Gave up on my dreams
  • Was smacked up-side the head
  • Met with coach to get back on track
  • Got confirmation that my tribal belly dance class was a go (see classes)
  • Met with community oriented business, and signed on for consulting
  • Learned about the Gratitude Journal: a public family journal where I write at least one thing I’m grateful for each family member, and other things that I experienced each day
  • Began change at the college I manage, which caused a significant ripple of disruption, and thereby began the process of rebirth
  • Became closer with Community Business owner, learned about her ailing son
  • Let the PF take over some of our life duties, like being the boss of making a baby
  • Came to work to find my office broken into and robbed of cash and safe
  • Met a medical intuitive and witnessed her reading regarding the ailing son
  • Realized the seriousness and the fear that my friend was experiencing around her son’s illness
  • Made a choice to give some of my life force and spirit energy to her son each day via prayer to help his healing
  • Immediately had a vision of her son and “saw” his illness. (I’ve always been intuitive-knowing things-but have never had a vision in which I SAW as if with my eyes.
  • Freaked out the accountant for the non-profit I’m consulting for with my ambition for the business model and inventory system
  • Talked to my friend about my vision of her son-and hope it was the right thing
  • Had a “chance” meeting with my friend’s astrologer, Alan Schaub (, in Nevada City, who did my first reading ever–a quicky 15 minute reading which of course incited a need to know more. (He is at HAALo every Friday in the afternoon). I knew much of what he said, but the most valuable thing I learned was WHY I am the way I am, and why things have been such a struggle.
  • Watched the movie “Queen of the Sun” added to our Netflix by the PF, who ceaselessly finds thing to inspire and delight me. I was re-inspired to find myself with bees, reaffirmed the necessity of having our own Biodynamic garden, reminded that I should take up my Rudolf Steiner studies.

I obviously need to write more often. This massive post may have been more palatable if I’d written for each event. I am striving for that going forward. Somehow, I feel that I’m in the flow of things now, no longer trying to swim upstream, and I think things are going to keep on coming…


About Rachel "Ginger" Lazarus

I'm a post-feminist, ex-showgirl, looking to make a fulfilling life in the country with my fella, our girls, our dog, and "the ladies" our dozen chickens.
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