Naked, With Chickens

Have you ever wondered what in the world would make you run outside of your house buck-naked in broad daylight? I myself  have not wondered that. I’m somewhat of a “free spirit” and have been outside naked on a few occassions. My fella, (aka the Pater Familia-or PF for short), however, Is very modest, if not a bit shy.

Our story begins one fine morning. The youngest kid was ready for school and had decided to play out front with our dog. With the child ready-ing complete, the PF heads into the shower himself. After a few blissful moments of wonderfully soothing warm water, the piercing sound of kid crying shatters the PF’s calm state and sends him flying from the shower to the living room to find The Eva’s (Eva dog, and Eva girl). One was crying and had fallen and scraped her hands and knees, the other was rushing around excitedly doing the best a dog could do, and thereby making it worse. The first order of business was to get the dog out of the fray, so she was relegated to the backyard. After some soothing from the PF (and the magical “quiet voice”), a hunt for band-aids that was utterly unsuccessful, and the resourceful application of warm compresses, the PF was finally able to head back to finish his shower.

Once again, the PF immerses himself in the luxurious feeling of warm, soothing water, finally calming after the turmoil of dogs and girls. Seconds later, the girl bursts into the bathroom, this time SCREAMING (that high pitched shrill sound that only little girls and special whistles can produce), “the dog is KILLING THE CHICKENS!!!!” True to form, my chivalrous fella immediately ran from the shower to the chicken pen, which is attached to the backyard. He did not pass go, and he didn’t pause to grab a towel, or shoes for that matter. Sure enough, upon arrival he finds the dog with one of our black beauties in her mouth. After several moments of chasing the dog around the chicken pen, which has a fallen apple tree growing sideways in it, taking up much of the inner space, he was able to wrest the chicken from the dog.

The next part was a little fuzzy in the story telling, but I imagine that the PF, still naked to God and the neighbors, went about the business of making sure the chicken was relatively unharmed (she had a limp for a few weeks, but has made a complete recovery), chastised the dog strongly (likely involving a lot of cussing and yelling), locked the dog in the bedroom, soothed the girl once again and told her to not move from the couch, and got back in the shower, determined to finish at least that one thing. And he did. Quickly, and with no luxuriating, because now they were going to be late for school and subsequently work.

So when asked, the PF might say that when push came to shove, he ran outside naked for chickens. But I think it was probably more for the love a girl.


About Rachel "Ginger" Lazarus

I'm a post-feminist, ex-showgirl, looking to make a fulfilling life in the country with my fella, our girls, our dog, and "the ladies" our dozen chickens.
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2 Responses to Naked, With Chickens

  1. Kate Brown says:

    I have a chicken /dog wrestling story myself, only fully clothed and pregnant…

  2. PF says:

    I bet you wish this happened to you, but alas, it happened to me. Nice telling of the story, Rachel.

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